Tuesday, August 9, 2005

so much for my happy ending

it has been a while since the last time i checked and updated my blog. and to my surprise, i received a comment to my prev post, "Freeloader". it was by an anonymous person and it was short and poignant. he/she said that i shud not defend if i am not a freeloader. right. i take that with positive stride. i did reply to that comment stating that i am not interested in defending myself. in fact, i was merely expressing my feelings about what had taken place and what followed as remarks that was shot at me, point blank. it was hurtful remarks coming out from a fren that you actually think is ur close fren. but i guess since day one, it never was and it just got worse. the ego side of me said, "what the hell! fuck it, man!"

but the softer side of me like to think that ppl say things, sometimes, without thinking. and if i tried to be less sensitive about their remark/s, it is probably harmless. it has been weeks and months already and i had happily moved on. i'd like to put that behind me and start to trust ppl again albeit with extreme caution. it is so hard to be able to trust someone ever again after what had happened between my ex and a certain ex-fren that i'd rather wished he'd disappear frm my life - completely. naive, yes, i knw. but he oughtta get a life. truly.

back to this "freeloader" issue. things hv changed so much over the period frm then till now i no longer feel the need to defend myself cos just so you knw, ms/mr anonymous, i do not get anything from it (by defending myself). did i make you think i am really not a freeloader from my article? am i trying to clear my guilty conscience? and does the world needs to know that i am a petty person for bringing that up? no, no, no and no.

at the end of the day, i live, i learn. i am who i am and i never pretend to be complicated or wish that my frens think i am (complicated).

on a happier note, i think a lot of good things are coming my way. i just have to ensure that i am happy and continue to live life to the fullest.

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